Failure... my old friend

My relationship with failure began at a very young age.  Upon completing kindergarten I was placed into "Transition."  I don't know whether to refer to this year as kindergarten 1.5 or my freshman year of 1st grade.  Either way I did not go straight into 1st grade.  My mother insists that I did not flunk kindergarten.  Ummmmm, mom what on earth do you call it when a kid doesn't go into 1st grade after kindergarten?  She says "I talked a lot, they thought I would "mature" and stop talking so much if I had another year of school." Oh mom, how did that work out? :)  I am 30 and still can't seem to shut up. 

I was supposed to be class of 1999 and instead I was class of 2000.  I have a class picture from that freshman year of 1st grade.  Of the kids that remained in Benton City, I think only two of us actually graduated High School.  So I'm just gonna say that the "Transition" class was a bad idea.  I pretty much decided in Kindergarten 1.5 that I was stupid.  A feeling I still struggle with today.

I furthered my relationship with failure when I got to High School and failed Algebra not once but TWICE!  I just hated it!  And I kept on kissing my "tutors."  Those "tutors" didn't end up helping in anyway, other then to ensure that I had a date to Prom.  (Which by the way was actually my first priority.)

These failures have really shaped my life.  The second time I Failed Algebra I decided I would not be attending college.  There was no need for me to go to college, I was gonna be famous.  I was pretty sure that Juila Roberts did not have a college degree, so there was no need for me to get one either.  The crazy thing is that I really, REALLY believed this.  College was trivial and for common people.  I was anything but common.  

If I had passed Kindergarten I would have graduated at the age of 17.  If I hadn't failed Algebra TWICE I would have been college bound.  That college most likely would have been Wazzu. (That's where my best guy friend was and I'm sure I would have gone there just to be by my friend.)  I didn't make the decision to remain Mormon until I was 17 and 1 month.  At 18, which would have been my freshman year of college, I wouldn't have stuck to that decision.

Instead, I graduated at 18 years 11 months.  I was beauty school bound and committed to my religion.  So I went to Utah.  The place where I swore I would never go.  Five months later I met David.  Six months after that we got married.  Two year after that we started our family.  I have started college but not yet finished.

If on paper I am a failure... Why do I feel like such a raging success?  Because I do feel like a total success.  It might not be PC to say.... but the reason I feel so happy and successful is because of David.  Dave and I couldn't be more different.  We have nothing in common.  But he makes me so happy.  Together we have an awesome life.  Everyday I fall more in love with him.  All four of our kids are Awesome!  I love my life!  Without such major failures in my early life I wouldn't have the awesome life I have today.

I am grateful for failure.  Having failed so much in my life I do not see failure as a big deal.  It's made me fearless and willing to try anything.  I know if I fail at something It will suck, I will feel stupid and then I'll get up and either try again or  try something new.   As a parent I hope that I can install this fearlessness of failure in my children without them actually failing so terrifically in their youth.

I don't believe that the Lord wanted me to fail.  But he sure did help guide my life to a place of wonderful through my failures. 

... As for my weight loss journey.  It's been 58 days and I'm only down 9.6 pounds.  I wish it was going quicker.  But this is the lightest I've ever been this soon after having a baby.  I have to remind myself of this daily.... It keeps me from eating a whole sleeve of Oreos by myself. 

My running is going well.  I ran a organized 5K on October 22nd.  My goal was to finish in 30 minutes or less.  I finished 3.1 miles in 29:16.  I'm very happy with that.  I ran 4 miles on Saturday (un timed) and it felt really good.  Almost fun.  My new goal is to run 5 miles on Thanksgiving morning.  Hopefully in less then 50 minutes.  I've got to get my pace to a steady 9 minute mile, being able to hit consecutive 10 minute miles when Heidi is still so little will be very helpful in meeting that  9 minute mile goal.   

David and I at his Undergrad Graduation 2005.

Me a couple years before my first year of Kindergarten.;)

These things ONLY happen to me!

Oh my goodness.  I had the most unreal day!  Not just one, but two mortifying things happened to me!

*A little bit of back ground about one of the charters in my day.  My neighbor Walker.  He's the perfect neighbor.  If I could draft any neighbor it would be Walker.  He is kind, he keeps an eye on the whole neighborhood in a non pushy sort of way and he really cares about us in the nicest neighborly way.*

Soooooooo, Thursday I went to the Lady doctor to figure out what's going on with my defective bladder.  Apparently surgery will not fix my problem.  The doctor decided my problem is probably hormonal.  So she gave me some samples of a estrange type medicine.  This medicine is not administered orally.  The name of it is "Vagifem."  (Who on earth named that?  Because personally I think they should be fired.) I tossed the samples into my purse and forgot about them.  Monday morning as I was running out the door, I saw the samples and tossed them onto the table.  When I came home from running errands Walker came up and offered to help me.  I thanked him and he helped me into the house.  At this time Heidi is screaming.  For some reason Walker stepped into the house before I did.  As I stepped into the house I remembered the Vagifem.  Elbows out, with Heidi in hand I sprint past Walker beating him to the table.  I set Heidi on the table on top of the Vagifem.  Relieved I start setting things down in the kitchen.  Heidi is still screaming.  As I turn around I apoligize to Walker for Heidis screaming. In that moment I hear him say "It's because you set her down on something and she is uneven."  I then leap six feet in an effort to beat Walker to the Vagifem box.  It's a white box and in huge Purple lettering says Vagifem.  There is no missing the name of this stuff.  I do not beat Walker to the box.  I grabbed it and tried to shove it back under the car seat.  He saw it.  I know he saw it.  Walker is fifty something retired military.  I could have died.  There are only a few people who I would really be embarassed in this situation.  Walker is one of them.

After the Vagifem episode my day got even more unbelievable.... 

I sent out Heidis first wave of birth announcements a week or so ago.  I don't know Pauls side of the family very well.  In my address book is an uncle Leo.  All I know about Leo is that my father in law loves him.  So I send him birth announcments and Christmas cards.  As always I had sent one to Leo.  Well, as I was going through my mail I got a card from Florance.  Florance is Leos wife.  In the letter she writes.  "Well my dear Sweet Leo, Love of my life passed away Oct. 12 2010.  It's a year now, today.  So it's Very hard I'm alone here I miss him so much."   Not only did I send a birth anouncment to Leo, who is dead... But his widdow gets it on the one year anniversary of his death!  If I could have died I would have!  I still might!

That's twice in one day that I would have gladly died!  I told Paul about what happened and he assured me that Leo would have found this very funny.

Last week was really hard for me.  I don't know what my problem was.  Maybe depressed? I don't know, but my work outs were awful.  And I could have slept 20 hours a day.  I turned a corner on Saturday afternoon.  Thank goodness.

So with last week being so weird I had no idea what to expect at todays weigh in.  I was down 3.8 pounds! Yay!  I really needed that!  I was a good girl about drinking my water!  And the lady weighing me in gave me a very enthousiastic "Good Job!" She is such a fair weather friend.

What weight watchers needs is a good confecional.  My confession would have gone like this..."Team leader, forgive me for I ate 14 of my 30 points in 2 point fiber one Brownies."  It's because of a day like that... I have sworn off of all sweets till Thanksgiving.  I took about 5 days to consider such a drastic measure.  I am at peace with my decision and I hope it helps me to get this weight off.  I'm in a place right now that moderation doesn't seem to be working for me.

The other morning I woke up knowing I had a GREAT idea when I slept.  It took me most of the morning, but I was able to remember.  My brilliant idea was.... barbed wire pillow cases!  With David gone Molly keeps getting into bed with me.  Molly thinks it OK to spoon into the back of me.  It took me five years of marriage to convince David that we would not be snuggle sleeping.  I don't mind Molly in bed with me, if Dave's not there.  But the spooning has got to stop!  So my idea is this... If I had a barbed wire pillow case for my body pillow I could put it in the middle of the bed, seperating Molly and I, solving my problem!  There is no way I am the only parent who does not want to be spooned by there hot little 2 year old.

 David and I met this grizzly on our way out of Alaska.  We fed it beef Jerky!:)  It was so awesome to be close to such an amazing animal!  We fed him from the car.

This is a char from the Air Force Academy.  The very same chairs that my father in law sat on when he went there in the 60's.  I really like these chairs.  I love how well they are made.  I feel like they are standing the test of time.  It was cool to see the mess hall full of these old school chairs!

The death of Summer

I bet people who LOVE the “Fall Season” also enjoy watching puppies die.  It’s by far the most depressing time of year.  Every Autumn is a drawn out death of the earth.  The flowers and grass die.  The sky is constantly gray.  Dried out stalks of corn become centerpieces.  Wearing flip-flops results in frostbite.  The bottoms of pants are perpetually wet.  An afternoon on a boat becomes a non option.  Noses are constantly cold.  Soda pop is replaced by hot cider.  Bratwursts are replaced by Chili.  And fresh strawberry pie is forsaken for apple crisp.  Autumn just reminds me that I’m not going to be warm again till at least May!  Grrrrrrrrrrrrr…..  I hate Fall. 

So today was weigh in day at Weight Watchers.  I GAINED .4 pounds.  Once again the lady weighing me in didn’t say anything to me.  She didn’t even make eye contact with me!  I would prefer her to call me a fatty and tell me to lay off the late night snacks.  At least that would be honest instead of passive aggressive.  I was so hopeful for this weeks weigh in.  I feel like my clavicles have reappeared!  Which usually means that I’m losing weight.  Apparently not.

There is nothing more frustrating then losing weight.  I know how to lose weight and I know it’s a very slow process. Having this knowledge does not make the process any easier.  All the pain is worth it, six months from now when I feel cute again.  In the mean time the only thing that keeps me plugging along is knowing that if I throw the towel in… I’ll gain 20 more pounds and then I’ll be super duper miserable and 20 additional pounds away from where I want to be.  Why can’t I be one of those tall skinny chicks?

When I was 11 years old I caught a bouquet at a wedding.  I brought it home and promptly pulled out my mothers wedding dress.  (She was sound asleep)  So excited about my bouquet, I tried on her dress.  My dad caught me.  He then took a picture.  What you can’t see in that picture is the six-inch gap in the back of the dress where the buttons wouldn’t come together!    One year later I started dieting and it hasn’t stopped since then.  By the way, for as tiny as my mother is… she sure handed me a set of baby birthing hips and shot putter thighs.  Combine that gift from my mom with my fathers very large bones… well the combination keeps me on my toes. 

Running is going ok.  I’m starting to feel a little strength in my lungs.  But it’s not fun yet.  I enjoy my four-mile walk/runs.  I have worked myself up to 2 minutes walking followed by 3 minutes for running.  But once a week I’ve been doing a 5k and it’s no fun.  I honestly dread it.  Since David is gone till the end of the month, I’ve hired a college age girl from church to come to the house for one hour a day.  This will force me to get outside and exercise.  Which is what I need right now.

This weeks weight watchers goal is to drink more water.  I have pretty much stopped drinking water.  This is super unhealthy and could very well be the reason why I’m not shedding the lbs.  But I have grown weary of spontaneously wetting my pants.   So I’m trying to negate the pant wetting by not drinking water.  This plan seems to be backfiring.  A lass I will drink more water this week.  And if I do publicly pee my pants I’ll just tell everyone around me that I’m trying to get skinny.  So it’s ok.  Right?  

 Oh my goodness I miss this man!  Hawaii with Davey is my happy place!

 Did  you know Hawaii has one Season and one season only?  Hawaii knows nothing of the horror of it's beauty dying off every year.  This picture was taken in January!  Hawaii is the happiest place on earth!  I would give anything to be stationed there.  But it probably wont ever happen.  Loving where were stationed just never seems to be in the cards for me.  Oh well we can always visit!

My Military Moment

I do not fly my American flag very often.  Homemade patriotic things do not adorn my walls.  I never forward on American pride e-mails.  I do not copy and paste things I find on facebook.  I do however love my country.  I have always been deeply grateful for the men and women who are willing to serve.  It is my pleasure to be married to one such man.  I know the protection of the many comes at a price for the few.  I couldn’t be prouder that David is one of those men. 

Dave is gone again.  I really can’t complain, I’ve had him home for most of the year.  It’s been so nice.  But he left again on Sunday.  Off to be a dirty soldier.:)  For the last 3 years he has been a clean little support soldier.  But for the rest of the month he’s at a “class” where he will get down and dirty with the Army again.  He could have avoided this most unpleasant “class”, but he has chosen not to.  I am eternally grateful to him and all those like him. 

Which got me thinking....  I am so very grateful for the Doctors and Dentists who are willing to serve in the Military.  A lot more money can be made in the civilian world.  But they are willing to serve me, and my people.  Military medicine is very much like socialized medicine.  It has major flaws and it’s free.   Only a few people are caring for many people, which causes frustration on both parts.  We are however grateful to have it.  Our family is not on the fully free medical plan.  We pay for our insurance.  However, finding someone to take our insurance is a daunting task.  I am overwhelmed with gratitude for the civilian Doctors and Dentists who accept my insurance and care for my family.  I am aware that it doesn’t pay as well.  So once again I say… THANK YOU FOR SERVING ME, AND MY PEOPLE.

I love being an American. I feel so blessed to have been born in the worlds greatest Nation.   I am so proud of my husband for making it his job to protect the American people. 

P.S.  This post is NOT about me.  Comments about “how strong the families at home are”, are not welcome.  I am merely expressing my gratitude for the people in the Military and the people who care for them and their families.   

This picture was taken on the 24th of July 2009 at Paul and Roma Petersons house.  The boys are saying the pledge because it is Pioneer day.  Look closely and you'll see why we call this picture 

Pledge and Protect!  It is probably my favorite picture of all time.

People just don't get it... And that's ok

The other day one of my very best friends said to me "Is running a means to an end for you? Or do you really like it?" This unto it's self is not a question that grates on my nerves. What annoys me is her next comment. "Because you know running is SO hard on your body." She doesn't get it. That's ok. Most people don't get it. Every morning when I was pregnant I went for a walk. The last 3 months of my pregnancy I did that walk early in the morning. Every morning without fail I would pass Jerry. Jerry is my 79 year old boyfriend. (Jerry doesn't know this, this is just what I call him when I'm talking to David about him.) Anyway, Jerry HAD to stop running when he was 75. His body just couldn't take it any more. Just like me Jerry didn't start running until his late 20's. I am confident that I will be able to be like Jerry. And if I'm not and my body only allows me to run for 20 years... it will be 20 wonderful years I wouldn't trade for anything. People who want a means to an end do P90X or cross fit. Runners, run for the love of it.

People who have amazing lawns with fantastic flowers and perfect hedges find strength and inner peace from such work. Those of us who do not find inner peace and strength in yard work have a couple of hanging plants. I am the later of those two. (and my hanging plants died) I just don't get it, but I love to look at the gardens of those folks who find their inner peace in the soil. I find my inner peace in running.

In 2010 I ran/ shuffled my first marathon. The marathon it's self didn't go well. But the training was awesome. I learned so much about myself during the process. On my 20 mile run I started in the housing division above Fred Meyer, ran over the over pass between Richland and Pasco, crossed the Blue bridge, ran through Columbia Park and circled back to where I started. This is exactly 20 miles. While on that run I found the song Uprising by Muse. I listened to that song 6 times in a row and then 2 more times after that. When I hear that song now I am transported back to that time. I can feel the strength come from the marrow of my bones in my finger tips and work its way all the way through my body. I can feel the power of the Blue Bridge beside me and the energy of the mighty Columbia River under me. I loved that run and I love that song. Like a drug addict I am determined to feel that high again.

I did however just have a baby. Heidi is 9 weeks old and I am still a fatty. Rebuilding lung strength is not easy and it takes forever to do! But I've started back down the running path and I can't wait for the day when my wight is down, my lungs are strong and my body is healthy! I am running the Hood to Coast relay race with some ladies from church next August. That is if we win the lottery and get in. It's the worlds longest relay race and It's gonna be awesome. But I have to get my comfortable pace down to at least 9 minute miles to be an asset to the team.

Speaking of being a fatty. With all my other babies I have been an equal opportunity fatty. Never in my life has my belly fat gone out further then my hip fat. Not so this time. Many of my jeans zip up just fine, but then I've got all the belly and upper hip loping over the top of my pants. I don't know what to do with this. I spend as much time in sweat pants as humanly possible. So it's back to weight watchers for me. The first time I did weight watchers I lost 35 pounds, the second time I lost 40 pounds. This time I have about 25 pounds to lose. But it doesn't matter I still hate losing weight. It comes off so slowly and eating is just no fun. Today I went to weight watchers and gained a pound. When you gain weight the lady weighing you doesn't say anything! Nothing at all. It's like I'm a beggar asking for a buck. They just say "got it"... and send you on your way. If you lose weight they tell you congratulations. But if you gain it, it's like you just brought the plague into their weight loss meeting.

Depressing as gaining a pound is when you've been dieting there is a silver lining. David is leaving on Sunday for three weeks! Normally this wouldn't make me so happy, but this time I can't get him out the door fast enough. His "light" pop corn at 10:30 pm isn't helping my belly fat go away. When he is gone I lose weight much easier. I tried to get him to deploy for 3 months, but the timing didn't line up right. :) My weight loss success depends on David being very far away.

The moral of the story is... I hate dieting and love running. Until my weight is down I have to try to make the two friends. I'm blogging about running in an effort to keep myself from talking about it.

I have also been trying to dabble in photography and I will try to post some of the pictures I do.

Abe and Dallin are so weird. They can't help but be silly at all times. I cherish the normal smiles I get out of them, because they are few and far between.

Heidi Denise Peterson in her blessing dress. Her grandma Gale made this dress for her. It is Beautiful! Both of the girls are named after women I hope they grow up to be like. Molly is named after Rebecca Michelle Gale. Heidi is named after my cousin Denise Gale O'Very.

Our little dolly! Heidi

So fun to have a baby sister to stroll around.

Molly is nuts about Heidi. She is so sweet with her!

Heidi and Molly Pop. The shadows when I took all these pictures were awful. I'm pretty pleased with myself over the end result I was able to get.

Pregnancy

WARNING: I have no intention of telling my mother that I updated my blog with this post. Which means... It will embarrass her. If you believe that you and my mother have a similar tolerance for my reality... STOP READING NOW!


I don't want to be the one to imply that there is a flaw in the Good Lords master plan for the female body, But do you think he knows that after child birth many women spontaneously wet their pants? It seems like this is an issue that should be brought formally to his attention.

Because of recent experiences this topic is close to my heart. I have three children and am pregnant with the fourth. Lately slightly peeing my pants is a regular occurrence. The other day I went for a six mile walk with Molly. Thank heavens I was wearing black pants, because by the time I made it back home I had slightly peed my pants twice and could feel the pee 1/8 of the way down my inner thighs. (Side note: I no longer have a warning that I need to go to the bathroom, all of the sudden I am just peeing. If there was a warning I would have stopped and peed in the bushes.) I made it back to the house and parked Molly in front of the garage. I walked to the front door, put the key in the door and knew I was faced with two options. I could either wet my pants while walking through the house or full on pee my pants on the front porch. Although I have several neighbors, our house is up off the street so there is no way they would notice me peeing on the porch. I opted to wet my pants rather then pee all over the house. At first I thought this would be just a little slight pee. It wasn't. I was completely powerless to stop the force that was my bladder. After a few seconds I saw the Amber colored urine jumping out of my pants half way down my right shin. At this point I had to stop it from reaching my shoes and socks. I patted my pants with my shoes asking my pants to absorb the waterfall that was coming. Thanks to my long pants, it never did reach my shoes. My porch however has now been peed on. This is NOT the kind of thing I would normally do. Hence my question. Is our creator aware that this is a problem? Life really isn't fair. I'm am certain that David has no residual effects from the four children we have made together! And I'm a mess!

The problems don't stop there. I wish they did, but they don't. For those of you who don't know the female body has chachee bones. These are bones that line the bajinga. When pregnant, they slowly spread apart in preparation for child birth. This process is painful and often leaves me feeling like my south lands have just left a cage fight.

I feel like these are the issues that also need be brought up to high school girls. My friend Dori once suggested that a picture be taken of a women's South Lands the day after child birth, blow it up and put it in the hall ways of high schools. I think this is a fantastic idea! I'm sure that would solve America's teen pregnancy problem and increase abstinence everywhere!

Our friends from College are much more like family then friends. When we met the Beuses and the Nygards there were no children involved. Now these are the babies from the three families...Tanner & Aubrey Nygard, Dallin, Abe & Molly Peterson, Maddie Beus, Travis Nygard, Eli & Gracie Beus. Jared Nygard was too little to be at the table. Having all these kids together brings me buckets of joy!

Molly at the Pacific Science Center

Abe and Dallin at the Pacific Science Center

I know I say it all the time. But I am completely overwhelmed by how good looking David is! I swear he gets better and better looking every year. Molly was not happy to be going home.